There is something about this song that i love...

IN DEMAND

When we were together I was blown away
Just like paper from a fan
But you would act like I was just a kid
Like we were never gonna last

Now I've got someone who cares for me
He wrote my name in silver sands
I think you know you've lost the love of your life
And you said, I was the best you've ever had

Refrain :
Because I'm in demand
You're thinking of the way you should have held my hand
And all the times you said you didn't understand
You never had our love written in your plans
But now I'm in demand

Don't ever think you saw the best in me
There's a side you'll never know
Cos love and loving are two different things
Set your sites far too low

Now I've got someone who cares for me
He wrote my name in silver sands
I think you know you've lost the love of your life
And you said, I was the best you've ever had

Refrain 2x

It's only when I fall a sleep
I see that winning smile
When my dreams just move along
You've lost the race by miles

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Never had our love written in your plans
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Refrain

You know I'm in demand
You see I'm in demand
You know I'm in demand
You know I'm in demand
You never had our love written in your plans

You know I'm in demand
You see I'm in demand
You need me in demand

I wish I'm in demand...hehehe

This excerpt i read from  God's Little Devotional Book for Dads got me. :D

         A young man confided to her minister one day, " I am afraid I sin each morning."  The minister replied, "what makes you think so?" she answered, "Because every morning when I gaze into the mirror, I think how beautiful I am." The minister took a second look at the young woman before him and annnounce, "Never fear. That isn't a sin, it's only a mistake."

         Egotism comes in many forms, but one positive thing about this brand of pride is that it often dissipates with age. Consider this progression of comments….

         A child of five who had just completed a puzzle, "daddy, daddy, I can do just about everything."

         A twenty-one year old: "Just ask me anything."

         A forty-year old one: "If it's my line, I can tell you because I know my business like an open book."

         A man of fifty: "The field of human knowledge is so vast that even a specialist can hardly know all of it."

         A man of seventy: "I've lived a good many years and I've come to realize that what I know is little of what I don't kow is vast."

        A man of ninety: "I really don't know much and I can't recall eve nmore."

         It makes me feel a lot sadder than I thought it could make me to realize, as days progress, that I would have very little choice regarding my karate training. I wasn't really worried about it when my plans ahead were still vague and indefinite and when I was still putting everything in my calendar. I was almost sure that I can continue my training regardless of the change in my situation. Yet, I realized that i wasn't being realistic and practical like everything was first on my list of priorities –job, academics, karate, and the others. But as I have to act them out, it pains me to realize that I was trying to be herculean, sort of trying to be in two places at a time. I am left with very little choice but I'll make the most out of that little chance I have just as not to sacrifice anything that I love for something that I need.   

         I just turned 21 and some things are just not the same anymore or atleast they ain't supposed to. The feeling is a whole lot different from when one turns 18. Turning 18 didn't feel like I sort of crossed a borderline of maturity but being 21 gave me the sense of it leaving me a little more than restless and excited at the same time. It felt like those 20 years should have prepared me to deal with life independently.It is not really to the point of facing the world alone but atleast being able to stand on my feet with an assurance that I can survive mainly because I have grown matured and practically earning for my own. Surviving doesn't mean merely getting along life just because one has to but staying alive because one loves to.

         I would have to leave behind the hakuna matata motto I used to have when I was still the impulsive, dependent, and carefree lass that I was. Worrying is not healthy but not worrying at all suggests immaturity. I know that I have bigger responsibilities now and challenges to face sooner or later. Life wouldn't be as easy as before but at the same time it wouldn't be less challenging now.

         If I were a little mindful of graduating on time I could have been marching my way to a full time job. Yet, I guess I preferred to stay a little longer in school for some reason. It never had been a big deal with me as it had been to those who had some expectations from me. We just have to meet half way, I guess. Yet now, I need to find a way to support myself for my last semester since my contract with my sister is sort of over, atleast, that is how I want to put things to give me some sort of push.  

         If life is a game I won't lose the battle. I have been beaten many times but true winning entails defeat too. Greater tasks, challenges, difficulties and temptations will find their way to meet me and I will greet each of them with a wiser mind, braver heart and firmer actions.  

         It won't be over unless I'm able to tell you every single thing. I have no one but you to release it to so do me a favor and understand that I need to do this for my sanity's sake. You don't know how many times and how much you had made me cry. I am not happy to admit it. I would have rather kept it to myself and let no one know. Yet crying alone does not help. Mere crying does not release the pain, the sadness, the anger. I need someone to know that I'm hurting and how badly I am hurt. I need someone to see how much I cried and feel for me, too. I need someone to share it with but I have no one because no one should know –no one should know that the feeling exists, that you exist, and that the pain exists. And that is just one of the many sad parts of the story.  I don't want you to know but I need you to. 

         The relationship, no matter how hard I try to think of the wonderful moments and convince myself that it was wonderful, truth always –always sinks in that it was empty. I know from the start that the relationship wouldn't have lasted forever even how long the feeling would last. I know that sooner or later it would all belong to my memory and I don't want to remember that that the whole thing was all about the kissing and the pleasures that we get from it. Yet, it pains me to think that it is how I remember it now. I was never after the kiss. I was after the conversation, the dinner together, the getting to know, the silent, happy moments but you seem to be more after the pleasure of a kiss. And that is one of the many sad parts of the story. 

         I cannot be proud of what i have put myself into but love does things in its way. Love means so much to me that when I say I'm in-love I make sure that the feeling is true and honest and real.  I wasn't yet looking for love but I found you. I was looking forward to falling in-love though and I have always dreamed of it as something really, really special. You came and you perfectly fit in. Yet, reality eats up my conscience little by little and I needed something to keep me from giving up. I needed a reason to stay like some great love willing to surpass all the obstacles, all the blocks along the way. I was looking for love beyond the love you felt for the many women in your past but you never succeeded in making me feel special. That is if you really even tried. You had made me feel I am just one of them and there is nothing special about the relationship, about the love, and about me. That is one of the many sad parts of the story.

I hate it most that you never fail to remind me how overly affected I am about the relationship. You had made me feel stupid sometimes that I'm too caught up with the relationship while you play along with me. It breaks me into pieces every time I think how much the relationship means to me and how little it means to you. And that is just one of the many sad parts of the story.

You never cared to know that I could have been the happiest person in the world if you had just sent me a rose just because. Yet, you were never able to make me the happiest girl when it could have caused you so little effort, just some thought. Now, I remember the relationship without the flower. And that is one of the many sad parts of the story.

Yes. I blame you for the many sad parts of the story. You shouldn't have just walk in only to kill my dreams, ruin my expectations, and break my heart by making me feel ordinary. I don't need anyone for the moment but you came and I just can't keep myself from falling and it all just happened. I just wish that you handled me more carefully.

I don't think you deserve the love I feel for you.

I am over the relationship but i am not over the feeling yet.

Script

I want to put up my own orphanage.

I want to find the right guy.

I want to influence lives.

I want to be...

complete.

"But we keep on trying because we know that

others have succeeded, and we are not willing to

acknowledge defeat."       

-Story of my Life by Hellen Keller

            Waah!!!! wala akong matinong magawa. At kapag wala akong matinong mapagkaabalahan kung ano-anong pumapasok sa isip ko! Nakakabaliw...huhu Baliw na nga siguro ako. Hay. Lagi na lang kasi akong nakikipagusap sa sarili ko. Nagsasalita ng mag-isa. Nagrerehearse ng kung ano anong linya. Tumatawa ng walang kasama. Nagdadrama kapag walang ibang tao. Ano ba yan! nakakabaliw talaga... Hindi na tuloy ako sigurado kung normal pa ko. Baka kasi sign na nga ng insanity ang mga bagay-bagay na hindi ko binibigyang pansin. Hala! Baka nga may tendency akong mabaliw. NOrmal ba talaga na makipagusap sa sarili na as in nakikipagusap ka na parang may kausap ka lang sa harap mo? As in, tumatawa ka rin at umiiyak at the same time na parang may nakikinig sayo? na may gestures gestures pa with matching all the facial expression and all? Hindi ba Sisa ka na talaga nun? Ok lang ba talga na umungot ka magisa, magmonologue, malungkot bigla na as in parang may nasabing hinid maganda ang imaginary friend mo o tumawa kasi funny an joke ng  iyong invisible friend?  May gulay talaga! Waaahhhhh!!!!! kakabaliw kasi... Iniisip ko tuloy, ano kayang gamot sa ganitong klaseng whatever?Baka naman nasosobrahan lang ako sa pagdidiet. Cge na nga, kakain na ko palagi ng dinner from now on. Promise! Basta wag lang sana kong mabaliw.

I miss the moments when i have all the time in the world to write. Now, i could only write a few lines and try my best to sum up everything in a few sentences. As much as i want to put everything in detail i am interrupted with lack of time and money as well. I miss home.

         Wow. Lately, I've been having a lot of last-minute decison making. Well, I'm not loving it but I'm finding it exciting. It is like picking between a yes or a no and right after, it will all come down in history. Whatever you decide to choose, you can only face its consequences and best, if you try not to feel any regret at all.  I quite believe that most of the time, if not always, there is no right or wrong decision. You only have to make the most out of every situation. If you live up with it, life would be a lot more sweeter. After choosing, you move on and with courage and confidence, live up with your decison. That is the beauty of life. It is all a matter of moving on.

         Just like what i seem to practice for quite sometime now, I made another last minute decision making. I'm competing for the national touranament! How's that? The tournament will happen two days from now and i've got no serious training at all. Sounds crazy? Yeah. Sounds like i've got a lot of nerve but yes, I do got all the nerve.

         They say that to be a champion, you have to have the skill and the will but the will must be stronger than the will. If that is true, then I 've got a fair good chance of winning the battle, right? I can't do anything about the skill anymore but the will, i dont know if it can be built overnight but if it is already there, all you have to do is fire it up and it'll make a blaze enough to make a diference.

         For now, i need all the courage I could get, all the guts and nerve and a focused determined mindset of a winner. I am already a champion in m own eyes and in my own heart. For that, there is nothing to be afraid for no one can defeat me anymore. That, I 'll show them. 

         They just make sure that their kicking feet don't mess up with my pretty face or else they'll have to deal with a raging bull.

         May God bless our team.